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In this episode I share 3 different crappy incidents that happened in my week that I handled with various degrees of consciousness. I’m sharing this with you because I think that the practicalities of how to actually DO conscious living and spirituality in the heat of actual life, are not fully understood by most of us. And as I explore it in my own life, and build my skillset around it, I wanna share both my process and my discoveries with you - so you can try them for yourself. And hopefully skip the crappiness that I had to experience to discover them in the first place.
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Transcript
Medha: In this episode, I once again share with you my personal process around living a conscious life. But this episode is a little different. I'm going to share three different and crappy incidents that happened this week that are handled with various degrees of consciousness. I'm sharing sharing this with you because I think that the practicalities of how to actually do conscious living and spirituality in the heat of actual life are not fully understood by most of us. And as I explore it in my own life and build my skill set around it, I want to share both my process and my discoveries with you so that you can try them for yourself and hopefully skip the crappiness that I had to experience in order to discover them in the first place. Let's do it.
Welcome to A Clear Perspective, the podcast that helps you remember who you really are, what you really want, and the easiest way to get it. I'm Medha and I'm a direct voice channel for Oron, who give us straight talking, practical guidance to help us live joyful lives of abundance, ease and positive impact the way we were meant to.
I want to start off by tanking those of you who have listened to my shares around my personal process and the people who have contacted me to tell me how helpful it is. One of the things that's possibly a tad weird about me is that yes, I'm a channel and yes, I'm an energy healer, but I really so profoundly care about the practical side of this journey; the human perspective, how to actually do the processes without accidentally bypassing - which is something that most of us are kind of primed to do. Deep down, we know that we're meant to feel good. And so when bad feelings come up, it's totally understandable that we want to shy away from them and move away from them and reach kind of exalted ideas and the spiritual ideal of feeling worthy and good and happy and all of those delicious things. Which, yeah, that is how we're meant to feel. That's true.
But I really care about exploring for myself and also sharing with you the practicalities of the process. So I have gone on and on and on and on about the value of the Return to Wholeness process, and I cannot stress how valuable and important and powerful and transformative that process is. I feel like it's a process that has helped me build my muscle, that has allowed me to really radically transform my relationship with myself and my world.
However, I'm still human, and I still have human reactions and responses to things as they happen. And I am able to bring various levels of consciousness to situations as I live in my everyday life.
So this is kind of an accompanying podcast episode to the one where I shared my audio diary a few episodes ago - we'll link to that in the show notes - where I actually showed you, like, I recorded myself taking myself through the Return to Wholeness processing quite a formal way. So that required me to be separate from everyone and everything, to have a quiet space for me to close my eyes, to really connect inward. And it's kind of a bit of a formal process and it's absolutely invaluable. But I also want to talk to you about how I handle things and sometimes I handle them fucking brilliantly. And sometimes I do not. How I actually handle the practical details of human reaction and living when things happen that are not super awesome.
So I'm going to share a range of things now. And if you were kind of looking at them and assessing my response, some of them will be classed as A level, standard performance. Some of them would probably be about a D. But actually, none of that, none of that assessing of ourselves in the moment is super duper productive if we actually are assessing ourselves when we haven't done the entirety of the process or the journey. And I think that's something that happens so often.
So if you are one of my beautiful pen pals - so I send emails on a weekly basis. If you get those emails, then you will already know this. I have been profoundly addicted to a TV show and my passion for it has kind of overtaken so many things in my life. So I've been wildly addicted to this show. It's called This is US. It's got five seasons that are currently available in Australia. The episodes go for, I don't know, 40, 50 minutes. And there's between 16 and 18 episodes per season. And I have binged like I have never binged before.
When I wasn't watching the show, I was so just caught up in the psychology and the characters and the depth of their humanness and their desire to be their best selves. But then their wounding and the trauma. And I've just adored it so much. And if you listen to the other podcast episodes, you know that my journey right now is to learn to not have any tension around action, around goals, and around work. And I feel like this addiction - and I do call it an addiction to this TV show because I was reprioritizing my whole life around this TV show and I'm not much of a TV watcher. So this is like a big deal.
I reprioritize everything because my desire to consume this, to be with it, was so big that it kind of superseded my desire to do many, many, many other things. And so you could look at that and go, "Oh, well. She's addicted to a TV show. That's not awesome." And I could understand that perspective.
But I'm going to tell you this: because my desire to watch this and consume it and be with these kind of characters and the energy of the show, because it was so strong, I barely worked all of January. And that's after having taken quite a bit of time off kind of over December/January anyway. And when I did work, I was just on the ball. Like the stuff that I did was just brilliant. The sessions I did with clients were amazing. And I realized that the tension that I can sometimes allow to creep into Work Medha wasn't there in January when I was spending most of my time doing something that to me felt like play. Like cuddling the puppies, getting ready. Like, I got so excited when I knew I was going to be able to watch a couple of episodes. I'd get my little coffee or my sparkling water and I'd settle in and have a big smile on my face and I'd press play and just relax and be happy.
I did that so much during January that when - it was my momentum. It was the momentum that I built, so that when I start to do sessions with people, I was so present and on point and clear and energized and there was no tension in me when I start to do any of those sessions.
But then I finished season five. That's what's available in Australia at the moment. And I didn't force myself to go back to doing work things. But I started to get like an inkling like I wanted to do some work stuff. And so I let that build until it was enough sort of inkling impetus to actually get me moving. So I was still in the flow at that point. And then I sat at the computer and I started looking at the list of - massive list of things - that I want to do. And actually it's quite a lot of things that I want to do. Like, there's quite a lot of work there.
And I didn't notice that the tension had started to creep back in until Matt came in and interrupted me and I was annoyed. I was like, annoyed. And that was so helpful to me because I realized that I was again moving into the old mode of, "Okay, I've played now and now it's work time." That's not what I want for myself.
And so when I caught myself in that tension that I was starting to create inside of myself because I was getting serious now and this is important, I had enough awareness about the fact that this is a long ingrained pattern in me and that I need support and help with it. And so because I have that awareness and because I have the intention of making work be light and play, what I actually did was I said to Matt, "Hey, you've got a skill set that I don't have. You're light and playful about so much stuff and I have this tendency to get serious. I got really annoyed when you came and interrupted me before and that's not because you're annoying. That's because I have this kind of tension thing that creeps in because now I'm Work Medha. And so I would really love it if you notice that I'm getting tense before I notice it. If you could just look at me and go, 'Hey, remember to play.'"
Now, I'm not making Matt responsible for this in any way, but I am asking for his support with it. And that's a really good thing because he's going to be aware of it in ways that I may not because I'm so in it. That is one practical thing that I want to share with you. The space of self awareness and the space of wanting to do a different attitude or behavior or to have an adjustment of the way that I interact with things, with support, I'm really glad I handled it that way. I think the reason I was able to do that is because I have built the muscle of being aware with self and being compassionate with self so it's not hard for me to notice now when I'm doing things wrong, because I'm not scared that I'm going to come down hard on myself and beat myself up.
That self compassion that I've developed makes it so much easier now for me to see things and respond to them in productive ways, because there's no part of me that's trying to hide it from me because they're scared of like a beating or a criticism or level of harshness. Which is how I used to interact with myself before.
Having said that, the second example of how I handled something is going to be different to that. So I didn't handle this next thing in that same way with total self love and self compassion.
I have two beautiful dogs. They're like the light of my life. I adore them ever, ever so much. They're like a really big part of my world. And Nelson, who is an Australian terrier who's two years old, had to have surgery recently. He had a growth in his mouth that had to get removed. And when we did that, I tried my best to keep the two dogs separate, but they love to play. So little Gussy looks up to his big brother and just adores him and wants to be with him all the time. And although I tried my best to keep them separate and Nelson had a cone, when I wasn't looking, they had a little bit of a play and Nelson lost one of his stitches and his stitches got infected.
So I took Nelson to the vet and the vet said, "Look, this is a big deal. He's lost a stitch. If he loses one more stitch, he's going to have to go back under. We're going to have to resew him up. We're going to have to start from scratch, so you need to make sure that Gus is somewhere else, like he needs to be somewhere else." And I don't really have anyone that can take one of my dogs. I've got a lot of support in so many ways but I don't have anyone that it's practical for them to take Gus for a period of weeks, which is what Nelson needed.
So Matt came up with this wonderful idea. We ended up putting Gus into a doggy resort near our house. So he was living his best life hanging out. They would send me some photos. He obviously clearly had such a great time.
So anyway, this is the context for what happened and why it was so upsetting for me. I took Nelson for a walk. So Gus is in the puppy resort. Nelson is still recovering. I'm meant to take him back to the vet in about four days. So I took Nelson for a walk so he could experience some fun and some new environment and I went with a friend of mine.
And we were doing a walk and these other dogs came up. One of them at first looked friendly. They were both wagging their tail and then out of nowhere the dog just pounced on Nelson and attacked him. So Luckily I was with my friend, Simon, who is a hell of a lot stronger than me. He jumped on top of this other dog and I got Nelson away and lifted him up and walked away, all the while screaming to whoever were the owners of the dogs who could not be seen anywhere. I'm screaming, "Come and get your dog!"
Nelson had his cone on because he's still recovering from surgery, right. And there was blood all over the inside of the cone. And immediately my first thought was like, "Holy shit, he's going to have lost another stitch. We've had gusts already in the dog resort for like twelve days. We were coming to the end of this process and now it's fucked." And then the people kind of just casually jogged up as though it was no big deal. And I said, "I'm going to need your contact details," because I'm thinking that Nelson's going to have to have a surgery again, basically. And she gave us the wrong contact details. So she pretended that she gave us the contact details, but she didn't.
Anyway, I took Nelson to the vet. I cancelled - Simon and I were going to have dinner. I said, obviously, "No, I'm going to take Nelson to the emergency vet right now." Nelson was freaked out. He was like shaking and scared. There was blood all inside his cone. And as I'm driving to the emergency vet, I am getting myself into more and more and more of a state and these are the thoughts I'm having.
"Bloody hell. The reason we didn't go to our usual walking location was because I didn't want Nelson at the beach because he might have got sand in his stitches. And now look what's happened to his stitches. I don't believe that anything happens for no reason. What the fuck is going on in me that I am prompted energetically to go to a place where at that exact moment. Those exact people and that exact dog are there to jump on my dog and attack him. Like, what the fuck is wrong with me that I made that decision? Like, obviously my spidey senses was off." And I started to really kind of attack myself. That is so unusual for me now, but it was how I lived every second of the day like 15 years ago, ten years ago, probably less even.
I'm driving to the hospital. I rang a couple of friends. I was so furious, I actually yelled to one of my friends, "What the fuck is wrong with me that I was prompted energetically to go there instead of somewhere else?" And then I just had a moment. I just had this moment of spaciousness. And I went, "Oh, this is that thing that I used to do of coming down really hard on myself in a way that kind of pretends to me that I have more control over the external world than I actually do.
So it's like this fake illusion of control that I used to kind of whip myself, but because it makes me have a sense or a false feeling that there is more control available to me than there actually truly is, it's like there's a way that it makes me feel safe. And I used to get caught in this cycle, like, over and over and over again so often. It's like I had this space of awareness and I saw what I was doing and I noticed how tense my body was. Like, I felt what it felt like inside of myself to treat myself that way. And Holy God, it was horrific.
Back in the day, it was just normal, right? But now that I don't do it so often, it was just horrific. So I got really present to what that experience was like. And then I went, "Okay, okay, okay, I went there. I was inspired to go there. I wasn't inspired to go anywhere else. And that thing happened. And I was doing the best that I could for Nelsie and that thing happened. But also, thank fuck that I was there with Simon instead of by myself. That could have been so much worse."
And I can keep pushing against the fact that this happened and saying, 'Those people are ridiculous and they're so irresponsible and they shouldn't have given us a wrong number. But more than that, they shouldn't have had their dog off a lead if it wasn't in control." I had been like, fighting the reality of what had happened - beating myself up as well, but also fighting the reality of what had happened and that is not a fight that I can win. That is not a fight that I can try and have and feel good. Because the truth is it happened. Like it already happened.
And so in this moment of clarity, it's like I had this space of choice available to me again, instead of just going in this mad intensity of spiralling, I had a choice. I had a space to choose. And it's really important for me to point this out: the choice wasn't, "Do I repress my anger or not?" The choice was, "I can either keep resisting what happened, or I can accept that it happened not because I like it, not because it's okay, but because it fucking happened. Like, it's done. I can't change the fact that that's happened." So my choices are to keep fighting that it happened or to accept that it happened because it did, and then try and create the best situation that I can from this point.
And then I was like, "Okay." And then I prayed to, like, Oron and God or whoever that my Nelsie would be okay. And my attitude completely flipped. I've stopped hating on those people. I stopped hating on myself. And I started just, like, feeling my desire for Nelsie to be okay. And then I started thinking things like, "Imagine if, like, miraculously, even though there's so much blood, he was like, totally fine. And not to try and control the outcome, but to create that energetic possibility inside of myself.
I'll tell you what, we went to the emergency vet. They were extraordinary. They were so amazing with Nelsie because he was really freaked out. He didn't want the vet nurse to even touch him. And because of covid, we didn't go in. So they came out to the car park, and she looked over Nelsie, she took him inside and brought him back out to me later. And she said, "He's fine." And I said, "What about all the blood?" And she goes, "His stitches got pulled apart and the mouth bleeds a lot, but he didn't lose any stitches. His two stitches are still in place. Like, they had healed enough that this didn't destroy them to the degree that you're going to need to do anything about it. So go to your vet tomorrow morning," - because this is at night - "but I think he's going to be okay."
And Holy fuck, that had not been a possibility that I had considered until I had that space.
So driving home from the vet with the absolute relief of, like, my Nelsie's fine and we're not going to have to have Gussy in his health resort, which actually he was having a ball at. But it was an unexpected expense. We weren't expecting to have to deal with that. And also, I missed him.
But in the end, the part of me that thinks that things happen for a reason was really satisfied with the idea that my ultimate aim for myself is to not fight the things that happen, to not fight, to not push against anything, and to stay in every moment in a place of acceptance of what has already happened, and then hoping for the best from there.
However, I decided to record this podcast episode right now. And in this moment, I am less triggered than when I first sat down to record because I've been connecting into the energies that I've been sharing with you and also listening to myself talk and remembering the things that are my values. But just before I sat down to record this, a third thing happened and I want to share with you.
Matt and I did a renovation of the bathroom a while ago and we've had a piece of glass - it's like the side of a shower. It had a small chip in it on the corner. So it's still very usable but because of the fact that it had a chip on it, we decided to put it on Facebook Marketplace for free instead of to charge for it.
So some people were coming today. I was home by myself. Matt was out. And they came like, maybe 40 minutes later than they were going to. But whatever, that's fine. But I didn't expect that I was going to interact with them at all. So the glass was at the front. I thought they were just going to come and grab it and go, no worries. So I'd be in the pool. I was in my bather. I was walking around the house, and then I hear this knock on the door.
And I'm like, "Oh, okay, the people." But the dogs were going crazy. I wasn't prepared for anyone to come. Nelsie thinks he needs to protect the house sometimes from potential threats or whatever. I didn't know if they were dog people. I didn't want to just open the door. So I tried to get the dogs away, but they're so cheeky and so sneaky that they kind of got back to the door.
So anyway, I opened the door a little bit and said, "Are you okay with dogs?" And they said, "Yeah, that's fine." So I opened the door and they said, "We're just hoping that you could open the big gate." And I'm like, "Yeah, no problem." But then I realized that they have left the gate, the small gate that we have that people walk through - we've wired it so that it automatically shuts because Nelson knows that there's a dog park at the end of our road, across the road. And so anytime he gets to leave the compound or whatever, he tries to run across the road to a dog park.
And so these people had come in through the small people gate, grabbed our bin and jammed it up against the small gate so that the small gate was permanently opened and then come in asking me to open the big gate. And so as soon as I saw that the little gate was open, I started running, going, "Oh, no, the little gate is open." And they're "Like, It's okay." And I'm like, "No, it's not okay."
And so I was too slow. Nelson ran out the front, and I was terrified again of Nelson running across the road. And the people were a bit like the people from the dog attack actually. Had no level of concern at all. I'm like, "He tries to run across the road." I thought they'd come and help me, but they didn't. Eventually, anyway, it resolved itself. Nelson came inside and she did come and shut the door, so that was great.
But I was furious. I was irrationally - I understand this, but my natural instinctive human response was to be really mad that they had left the gate open and come to the door. And then I said, "Okay for dogs." They didn't say "Yes, but we've got that gate open, just so you know." Like, they said nothing.
So I was angry, but I was polite and I was kind and I was nice. I was really polite to them, like, I wasn't rude. I opened the gate and then they grabbed the thing and left. And so there was no, "Sorry about the dog getting out." There was no, "Thank you for this free thing that you've just given me." There was nothing. And I was furious. And you know what? That's okay. It's okay for me to have natural human responses to things when I'm triggered by something.
My dogs are so vitally important to me that they're featured in two of these stories. And the fact that I had that reaction is not a problem. It doesn't make me a bad person. I don't need to try and pretend I wasn't furious at them. They might be lovely people and they may not have realized the danger that Nelson was in. And they might have thought that they said thank you for the glass or whatever. Maybe they thanked Matt in the message when they organized it. I don't know, but it's not really about them. I'm never going to see them again. It's not about me trying to get them to be better people or anything. But my natural instinctive reaction was to feel a level of anger. And in that moment, I didn't have the space that was available to me in the two previous ones.
So in the dog attack with Nelson, I went down the spiral. I was attacking myself. But then I had this moment of actual choice. It's like a space where I could actually choose. And I had the same thing when it came to asking Matt for help for me to be reminded about the importance of play and not tension when it comes to my work. I had the space to see and then to ask for support.
But this other thing, I'm feeling much better about it now as I've processed, as I've talked with you and shared with you. But the fact that my intention for myself is to not fight what is and not resist the universe. It would be really, really tempting for me to try and fast forward to accepting those people and accepting the fact that that happened and accepting the fact that they left a little gate open and Nelson went out and they didn't care and weren't too fussed about it.
I can't fast forward myself to being able to accept that when I'm in a place of being really still quite angry about it. I wouldn't say I'm furious in this moment now, so I'm deescalating. But me superimposing the idea of how I want to feel about something over the top of how I really feel about something is, I think, how most people do spirituality - at least me for most of my life. That's the way I've tried to do spirituality, tried to superimpose the idealized version of how I'd like to think and feel about something over my pain. And that doesn't work. That is only available - the real exalted high vibe idea of me not fighting and resisting what is - is only available when the space inside of me is already there for me to consciously make that choice without rejecting any part of me. If I try to make myself accept that in this moment, then I would be denying an aspect of me that has value and is valid and is important.
That's the dog's barking now.
The reason I've gone on and on to share these three different experiences where I have had different levels of consciousness available to me is to provide kind of the practical context for the rest of life outside of the Return to Wholeness process. So I probably will sit and do the Return to Wholeness process around this because I know that for myself, cleaning this stuff up inside of me feels a lot better and I have more fun and I'm more light when that happens. But I'm not going to force myself to be ready to do that. I'm going to have the intention inside of myself, the aim for that for me, but until I'm in a place where I'm actually ready to start to shift that, trying to shift it is going to be rejecting self.
And that is what I'm not up for. Me resisting my own resistance is more resisting. So yes, my overall aim for myself and my life and my attitude is to not fight what is to not fight what has already happened. But I can only genuinely get there when I give myself what I need emotionally so that I am no longer feeling in pain, I'm no longer feeling massively triggered. I'm no longer feeling the shitty feelings. And the way to do that is to fucking love the part of me that feels those feelings. It's the opposite of what we tend to do.
So if you want to dive more deeply into this work, I feel like the Return to Wholeness process is what has helped me to build the level of self acceptance that I can now be totally okay with the fact that I'm really angry at some people in a kind of irrational way. It's fine. It doesn't make me a bad person. I'm an awesome person. I'm an amazing, brilliant, extraordinary person no matter what shitty feelings and thoughts I might be having.
If you want to build that muscle, I'd love to invite you to join my email pen pal group as well as receive a free mini Return to Wholeness course. It's available to you at oronandmedha.com/wholeness. The links will be in the show notes.
Thank you so much for listening and I hope this is helpful. I truly feel like sharing Oron's material together with my personhood, like the humanity of trying to be the human who channels them and interacting with myself and my world. I value sharing that with you.
So if you've got any questions, if you've got any comments please find me on the socials or reply to any of my emails because that makes me deliriously happy when I hear from you. Thank you so much for listening and in the words of Oron, go well.
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